I want to fix it. I don't even necessarily know what the problem is, but i want to fix it.
Tattered Seams
I have a theory that behind every confident person is a series of mishaps that noone ever sees. People always view me as a confident person who has it all together, but I know that I am no different than them.
Why Tattered Seams?
Tattered Seams....the kind at the bottom of your shirt or pants that you know should try to fix so that you can look so put together on the outside... to hide how not put together you are in the inside.
I want to fix it. I don't even necessarily know what the problem is, but i want to fix it.
I would also write poems, read books, and really take the time to listen to myself and to my feelings. At that time in my life, I had no idea who I was and I wasn't allowed to be anything.
Now, there are some nights where I slow down enough and think that maybe I should light some candles and ... write in my journal. Except, I don't feel sorry for myself. And I don't feel like I need to explore my feelings as much. But I want still want to write - I just worry it doesn't have the meaning it use to.
It really made me stop and think about the things I was being selfish about lately.
- I want more time to myself so I can sew and read books. I want to cut back on my volunteer activities so that I can do this.
- I want to live alone and not have a roommate.
- I want to be able to sit outside in the nice weather and just enjoy myself for a minute. (Again, I would have to cut back on my volunteer activities.)
- I want a raise at work, which means more money in my bank account and less money in the hands of homeless families.
I put so much passion into everything I do. I am self-absorbed. I am absorbed into my volunteer work, I am absorbed into working toward alleviating homelessness. I don't think those two things are so bad....
Tattered Seams
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bleeding heart
"Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would to die if you were forbidden to write. This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write?" -Rainer Maria Rilke
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