I'm feeling a sense of urgency in my life... at work, with my sewing, in my volunteer life.

I want to fix it. I don't even necessarily know what the problem is, but i want to fix it.

When I was a teenager, I use to turn off the lights in my bedroom, light candles, put a CD in my stereo (usually The Cure), and feel sorry for myself.

I would also write poems, read books, and really take the time to listen to myself and to my feelings. At that time in my life, I had no idea who I was and I wasn't allowed to be anything.

Now, there are some nights where I slow down enough and think that maybe I should light some candles and ... write in my journal. Except, I don't feel sorry for myself. And I don't feel like I need to explore my feelings as much. But I want still want to write - I just worry it doesn't have the meaning it use to.

Today someone called me selfish and self-absorbed.

It really made me stop and think about the things I was being selfish about lately.

• I want more time to myself so I can sew and read books. I want to cut back on my volunteer activities so that I can do this.
• I want to live alone and not have a roommate.
• I want to be able to sit outside in the nice weather and just enjoy myself for a minute. (Again, I would have to cut back on my volunteer activities.)
• I want a raise at work, which means more money in my bank account and less money in the hands of homeless families.

Why do I feel guilty the minute I try to do something for myself? Why is it a bad thing to want someone else to do something for me?

I put so much passion into everything I do. I am self-absorbed. I am absorbed into my volunteer work, I am absorbed into working toward alleviating homelessness. I don't think those two things are so bad....