back in the saddle again

The best way to find yourself, is to lose yourself in the service of others."

— Ghandi

I spend a lot of time thinking about who I want to be vs. who I do not want to be. When I see things that I do not want to be, I try to find the similarities between myself and that thing, or that action.

I have a roommate for the past 5 months and there are so many things about the way she acts that makes me not want to be like her at all. Yet, given that I had the same thoughts and feelings as her, I see how they could translate into how she is acting.

And lately I spend a lot of time asking the question: How do I let myself have feelings without letting them turn into actions? Or, is it that I should be thinking more about what kind of actions I should turn them into?

I think the thing I have learned the most from my recent dates is that I am not as charming as I think I am...

For now, I'm not working on that. I've got enough to worry about.

At work, when my boss, volunteers and board members put pressure on me I always say "I'm working on it."

At my volunteer job when I'm a little late emailing logos and files, I say "I'm working on it."

So it was only natural that when it's my life that needs fixing, I think to myself "I'm working on it."

I AM working on it. Whatever it is that needs fixing.. I'm working on it. I taped a note next to the mirror in my bedroom and it says "Work on Melissa."

I figured those three words were enough to remind me that daily I need to make decisions based on fixing me. And I'm working on some really big decisions. I want to quit my volunteer job and kick out my roommate.

Have I exactly told them I'm doing that... well, I'm working on it.